Thursday, December 7, 2017

My Two Year Health-iversary! A (very long) Update on My Journey

Hello everyone! Today is an exciting day, as it was 2 years ago today that I started my journey to better health! This journey has been one full of hills and valleys. The last year has been especially trying for me, as it's been almost a year since I have seen the scale go down. When I started this journey I would have never expected to go a whole year without losing any weight. The old me would have given up. Why give up cookies and chips and Coke if I'm still not going to lose weight? That's what the old me would have thought. But now I know that there is so much more to this journey than losing weight, and there are so many more factors involved in losing weight than what we have been taught. Hormones, stress, food quality, and gut health are all HUGE factors in our overall health, and weight loss, that we've never been taught about.

Calories in vs. calories out does not work for most of us. Yeah, if you only have a few pounds to lose then it may work for awhile, but the problem is cutting your calories for an extended amount of time will down regulate your metabolism. Our bodies are not stupid. If we cut down how much food we are eating by 500 calories a day after awhile our body will adjust to only getting that much energy and will cut out things that aren't as important - like hair growth, for example. Many of you may remember I was losing hair in crazy amounts for a LONG time. Like, over a year. Now, some hair loss while losing weight is to be expected. Your body is in shock. However, not the amount I was losing for as long as I was losing it. If you look at the pictures below, the amount of hair I was losing in the left pic was how much I was losing during every shower for over a year. It was alarming. I've always had a TON of hair, and it got to a point where my hair didn't even feel like mine. The woman who has cut my hair for the last 8 1/2 years even noticed how thin it was getting. I even chopped off about 8 inches because I thought maybe if it's shorter, it will look fuller. Now, look at the amount on the right. That photo was taken in the middle of October. I have consistently lost around that much since then and I have lots and lots of baby hairs growing in! 

What did I do differently in that time? A few things - but the main thing I did was increase how much I was eating. I had, without meaning to, downgraded my metabolism. I was only eating about 1400 calories on average each day. I wasn't trying to eat this much, I just wasn't hungry. I wasn't hungry because my body had gotten used to running on less energy - and had downgraded my metabolism resulting in things like my hair falling out by the handful. When I started researching and learning, all signs pointed to me not eating enough, and definitely not getting enough nutrients. This was hard for me to process. How could I possibly need to eat more when I still had over 100 lbs to lose? Many of the keto resources say as long as you have body fat to use, and you can fast comfortably, then you should not need to eat more. MANY Keto Facebook groups even shame you if you consume extra fat if you still have fat to lose. So how could I possibly need to eat more?? It took awhile for me to try increasing my calories, and many people telling me I should. I knew I could possibly gain weight for a short amount of time, until my body adjusted and learned it could start operating at the new weight. And that's exactly what happened. I slowly increased how much I was eating - which is harder than it sounds. I wasn't hungry. I was basically making myself eat more because I knew I needed it eventhough I didn't feel hungry. I did gain a few lbs during this process. For the first half of the year my stall point was between 265-270. Now I am typically between 273-277. Not a huge gain, but still a gain. It was still hard to see. I had to go to the emergency room a few months ago (more about that later), it was late at night after I had eaten and I was fully clothed (of course) and on their scale I weighed 282. That crushed me. I knew I would weigh more because it was at night and not on my own scale, but it was still so hard to see that number. But, on my home scale the same week I weighed 276, so I knew I hadn't actually gained more. I am still eating a higher calorie amount and am no longer gaining - I've been in the same weight range for about 6 months now. While I'm sad I'm still not losing, I do feel reassured I'm on the right direction since I am no longer gaining and my hair is no longer falling out. My body has learned that I am not starving it anymore.

My caloric intake is just one small piece in a very large puzzle. Our bodies are not simple machines, they are very complex and have so many things happening at once. I believe there are multiple reasons why I am still not losing weight. Hormones, gut health and autoimmune issues being the main reasons. I mentioned the ER above. If you follow me on social media you are up-to-date on my journey, but in case you don't, a quick overview is that I began having very intense stomach pains a few months ago. I have a very high tolerance for pain but this felt like I was absolutely horrible. I went to the ER and they didn't find anything alarming. They put me on an antacid and sent me home. Shortly after that I started seeing a naturopathic doctor. We did some testing and discovered I have a severe case of leaky gut, which meant I had an extensive list of food sensitivities. Leaky gut is something that traditional medicine doctors don't recognize but it is very real. Leaky gut is basically having a hole in the lining of your digestive system which allows toxins to seep into your blood system that would otherwise be filtered out. You can read more about leaky gut here, Shawn offers a great explanation on it. MANY people have leaky gut these days thanks to the quality of food we consume on a regular basis. Leaky gut is also what leads to many autoimmune disorders. Your body starts attacking the toxins that are seeping in, then starts attacking its own cells because it can't recognize the difference. I'm summing this up very quickly and simply here, but that's the gist of what happens. I've had many people tell me that leaky gut is "not a thing" and that my food sensitivities are "a joke" but they definitely are real. The foods I was most sensitive to - dairy, eggs, coconut, gluten, wheat, mustard and yeast - had to be cut out completely. Others, like cauliflower and cahsews, had to be cut down and eaten occasionally. Once I cut out all of these foods, I could tell if I had them without knowing it very quickly. I bought an egg-free mayo and felt severely nauseated after eating it. I soon found out that under the "natural flavors" label was mustard. I don't like mustard, never eat it on purpose, but just that little bit in the store-bought mayo was enough to let me know something was off. It was pretty amazing to be able to tell when something bothered me because before that everything was bothering me. 

One other example of how food sensitivities and leaky gut are real is what happened to me on Halloween night. That night my family ordered pizza. I usually just eat my own thing but that night I didn't have anything prepared and I was so busy I didn't have time to cook. The place we ordered from had a gluten-free and wheat-free crust. I looked up the ingredients and they looked clean, and nothing was listed that I couldn't have so I decided to have some (without cheese, of course). Yes, it was more carbs than I normally have, but I was ok with that for one night. While taking my nephew trick-or-treating I started having some discomfort. However, it got much worse. By the time I was getting ready for bed I was in extreme pain. I took some meds hoping it would help. I tried to go to sleep but the pain kept getting worse. I finally managed to doze off around midnight for about half an hour but woke up hurting worse, shivering so much that my chin was visibly chattering and my whole body was shaking. I was extremely nauseated and I had an intense pain in my stomach. It was a mix of pain and burning, it felt like my stomach was on fire. This was the same pain I had a couple of months ago when I went to the emergency room, before I knew about my food sensitivities or that I had leaky gut. I have a high tolerance for pain but I felt like I was going to die. I knew right away there had to have been something in the pizza that I didn't know about. I looked online and still couldn't find anything in their ingredients that would be causing this. I kept digging and finally found the full ingredients list and discovered the crust had eggs, yeast and whey (dairy) - all of which I'm very sensitive to. I'm mad I had to dig so hard to find this information, and I was even madder at myself for not digging harder before I ate the pizza. I had been so very careful the 7 weeks prior to Halloween. I had been reading every label and making all of my own food because there's not much I can have, but I'm not perfect and I paid for this mistake big time. I was up most of the night in excruciating pain and was so sore for a couple of days after Halloween.

Two other reasons I know my weight loss is stalled is my autoimmune issues and hormones. I have tested positive for autoimmune disorder, but have not been officially diagnosed with a particular one yet. I have a pretty good idea of what I have, but I will hold off mentioning anything until I know for sure. I know I probably have hormonal issues as well. I am working on getting those tested soon and will update when I know. It may be on my social media instead of the blog though. I know I don't update my blog often, it is just really hard to find the time to sit down and write a post these days.

I just want to wrap this up and say if you're on your own journey to better health, do not give up. It would have been easy to give up this year. Seeing people who this time last year were so much more overweight than me, and now they're so much smaller than me, that's been really hard. I don't begrudge their progress at all. I am super happy for them! But, it's hard not to see any physical changes like that in myself, especially when I am working so hard at being healthy. I've never been one to cook and I'm making everything I eat from scratch. I DO see small changes in myself. My face has lost weight from this time last year, and my belly is a little smaller. I'm also stronger - in every single way. I just have to stay focused on what matters and that is making my body healthy and happy. All of the signs I've mentioned throughout this post tells me my body is working on healing. I want to be healthy, not just look good, so I'm being patient and letting my body do what it needs to do. I spent a very long time abusing it, now I need to let it heal itself by doing what I can to help it along.  


Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Keto Khronicles: 18 Month Anniversary Edition!

Hello everyone! I apologize for missing May's Keto Khronicles. I took my measurements, but never got a chance to sit down and write a blog post. In addition, I have also been going through a rough patch with this 5-month plateau (which you know if you follow me on social media), and didn't really feel like I had anything much to write about. 

But today, June 7, 2017, is my 18 month anniversary of starting my journey to better health! In some ways a year and a half ago seems like just yesterday, but in many others it seems like a lifetime ago. The person I was 18 months ago is completely different from the person I am now. This hasn't just been a journey to lose weight, it's been a journey of finding out exactly how strong I am. You don't get 250+ pounds overweight without being an emotional eater and to successfully change my life I've had to find other ways to cope with emotions, and it's made me stronger in the process. I think a lot of people, after hitting a 5 month plateau, especially with over 100 lbs still to lose, probably would have said screw it. That has honestly never crossed my mind. I know I am going to be eating this way the rest of my life, and I feel a million times better than I used to so I don't ever want to go back. Before I get into an update, I want to share some pictures and measurements with you instead of saving them for the end like I typically do. 

The person on the left was me, weighing 402 pounds. I was miserable. The day that photo was taken I was walking the Vegas strip with some friends and struggling to keep up. I didn't want to be THAT person, but I couldn't help it. My friends didn't make me feel bad at all, but I knew I was holding them up. Then we went to eat at Hard Rock Cafe, and I was just praying we didn't get seated at a booth. We did. Thankfully it was one of the booths where the table could move, which meant I could fit in it. Not so thankfully, that also led to me accidentally shoving the booth into my friend who was sitting across from me. Talk about being mortified. A year later I was back in Vegas with the same friends, I was down 90 lbs. at that point, and we were all exhausted from a long day of events. We went to In 'n Out afterwards and they were packed! The only table available was, you guessed it, a booth. And it wasn't a big booth. I had not tried to sit in one since losing weight. And the friend I had shoved the table into the year before just so happened to be sitting down already - across from where I would be. I was so nervous, but I tried to sit down and was shocked when I FIT! My best friend was there and knew how nervous I was and we both just looked at each other and started crying. I'm sure we looked totally weird in the middle of In 'n Out, but that's how we roll.

The me on the right doesn't dread being seated at a booth anymore. Yes, some are still tight, but I haven't had any issues getting in them. I can keep up with my friends, and even my 6-year old nephew! Yes, I wish I were losing faster, but I am feeling so much better. I just can't wait to see how much better I feel when I get another 100 lbs of fat off my body!

I am incredibly proud of how much those measurements have changed, despite the scale being stagnant lately! I mean, I've lost 27 inches off of my hips and 16 1/4" under my bust! That's amazing to me. 

I have been tweaking things, trying to get my body to start losing fat again. And I think I am still losing fat, I know I'm gaining muscle too. But I don't think I'm gaining enough muscle that I shouldn't be losing any weight at all, especially given where I am in my journey. I cut sweeteners out for quite awhile and didn't notice a change, and thoroughly tested the ones I use when I did add them back in to know they weren't affecting me negatively. I cut out dairy almost completely (I was still eating butter) for a couple of weeks and saw a slight (1 lb) dip in the scale. It did come back, plus more, after I added dairy back in. I have since cut it out completely for the last week, and plan on doing so for at least another week. So far I haven't seen any change in the scale from it, but time will tell. If anyone had any doubts about me being determined to make my body the healthiest it can be, the fact that I'm going without dairy should prove it! Cheese has always been my favorite food and I miss it so, so much! 

I have also been adding in more workouts lately. Ever since I hurt my ankle at the end of December it feels like it's been one thing after another that's been hindering me. I have severe plantar fasciitis that flares up when I walk a lot so I've been walking about 3-4 times a week and doing strength training the other days. It's not easy, but it's worth it. I'm also in the process of getting some new blood work done to see if anything is going on in my body that's preventing me from losing weight. 

I have recently discovered Leanne Vogel from Healthful Pursuit. Her approach to keto is a little different than most in that she recommends carb ups for certain people, and that is mostly geared towards women who have hormonal issues or need thyroid healing. It's been a huge adjustment for me to accept that carb ups could even be a possibility. Anytime I heard anyone mention "needing more carbs" or suggesting I carb up I rolled my eyes. I'm REALLY good at rolling my eyes. But listening to someone talk about it who has done a ton of research on it, as well as had real life experience, made me listen. It got me thinking about my journey a little differently. 

Thanks to Facebook memories, I realized this week that a year ago, which was just 6 months into my journey, I was down 76.2 lbs. That means since this time last year I've "only" lost between 56-62 lbs (depending on which end of my plateau weight range you go by). I realize 60ish more lbs is a good thing, but it's really not that great of a loss for an entire year when you still have as much to lose as I do - especially when you lost 76 lbs in the first 6 months! 

So, combining that knowledge with all I am learning from Leanne (I'm currently reading her book The Keto Diet, highly recommend it), I remembered when I first started my journey I was eating more carbs than I am now. I was still low carb, but I kept it in a range of 40-60 carbs per day. I did hit a stall point after that initial 6 months, which is when I started doing more research on keto, which led to me lowering my carbs even more - below 20 net per day. This did work very well for awhile, but since then it seems like it's been a struggle. When I plateaued again I added in intermittent fasting, which did help for awhile, then it stopped. I've done extended day fasts, which I lose great on, but once I start eating again, the weight comes back. I tried a couple extended fasts in May and my body just wasn't cooperating. I decided to take that as a sign that maybe that's not what I need to be doing right now. I still think fasting is a great tool, but I don't believe it should be forced. So I am going to continue reading her book, and I am going to try her protocol of upping my carbs slightly. I plan on starting slowly and going by how I feel. I have already done two slight carb ups the last two nights and I have to say, I have felt a lot better overall the last couple of days. It was really hard for me to add in  more carbs mentally, I was extremely nervous. It made me realize the way I had been looking at food had me villifying a whole food group, and I was literally afraid of carbs. While I still believe fat is where it's at when it comes to my main fuel source, I'm coming to realize that I don't need to be afraid of a small amount of carbs. I've been doing this a year and a half and I'm fully fat-adapted, which means I can easily switch between fuel sources. The amount of glucose I get from the amount of carbs I've been eating gets burned off quickly and my body switches right back to fat burning. 

In addition to the weight loss plateau I've been feeling sort of "off" the last 3-4 weeks at times. I've been getting extremely tired at times, feeling like I need a nap in the afternoons - and especially early in the evenings. Not just a little nap - I've been super tired. This is a feeling I haven't had at all since before I started losing weight, so I knew there was something going on. My blood sugar was staying level, so I knew it wasn't related to that, but something has definitely been off. I have not had any tired spells like that the last two days since doing slight carb ups in the evenings. I'm not going crazy or eating cake and ice cream. I've been adding in more veggies during the day and then having some berries at night. I can't do berries whole (texture issues), so I've been throwing them in some cashew milk with a little coconut cream and making a shake. So good! Last night I added a little cacao powder and it made it even better. I'm also trying to make sure I'm getting more nutrient dense foods. If you know me, you know I am a very picky eater and not a fan of veggies, but I'm really making an effort to include more. It's either veggies or liver, and liver ain't happening. 

So, now you know where my head and my journey are right now. If you see me posting about a carb-up, you will know why. No, I'm not giving up. Quite the opposite. I'm trying to find what works best for my body. 

If you're not already following me on social media, check me out at the links below! I post almost every meal I eat and share a lot of other things as well. 


Thanks for reading! <3 


Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Keto Khronicles: April 2017 - When the Going Gets Tough, The Tough Keep Going

Hey, all! Long time no talk! I know I've said it before, but it's been really hard to find the time to sit down and write a blog post lately. I do stay pretty active on social media since that's easier to do on the go. Plus I have honestly been struggling a bit. Not with staying on track or thinking of going back to who I used to be. I will never go back to that person. But, as I mentioned in my previous Keto Khronicles post, I've been plateaued for a while. The stall, the wall, the plateau. No matter what you call it, it sucks. If you follow me on social media you probably know that I finally broke that plateau a couple weeks ago and officially surpassed my halfway point. That felt amazing! What didn't feel amazing is when I stepped on the scale the following Wednesday (April 5th) and had "gained" 7.6 pounds in less than a week. Yes, that really happened. I tried not to let it bother me because I KNOW the scale lies, but I would be lying if I said it didn't affect me. It's not the time of the month that I should be retaining water so it definitely took me by surprise. But wallowing in it isn't going to accomplish anything. Eating crappy carbage sure wouldn't accomplish anything. And I wasn't tempted to eat crap, at all. I have changed mentally and going backwards doesn't cross my mind. That me was in a dark, depressing hole. It was a scary place and I don't ever want to visit there again.  All that being said, when you still have over 100 pounds to lose and it's been over 2 months without any significant loss on the scale, it does make you wonder what you're doing wrong. Especially when you see all the success stories of people who have lost 140 lbs in 10-12 months. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for those people. Super happy. I know how amazing they feel. And I am proud of how far I've come, but I am still extremely overweight. I still weigh more than a lot of people do when they start. To think this is going so slowly and it feeling like it may take me 5-10 years to get to my goal weight is extremely depressing.

So, what do you do when you feel like you've hit a wall? Well, I've done several things. Number one is I focus on every other aspect of my life that has improved because of both eating keto and the weight I've lost so far (which is a result of keto, obviously). In addition to weight loss I've improved my health dramatically in every way. I have energy to do things now - plenty of energy! I used to fight sleep all day long. I couldn't do anything on the computer without nodding off. I never have that problem anymore. I am actually active. I go for long walks with my dog and take my nephew to the park and even run with him. Up until a few months ago I hadn't run since I was a child! I haven't had heartburn even once while eating keto, it used to be a pretty often occurrence. I just feel absolutely amazing eating this way. Not to mention, the food is delicious. I'm definitely not deprived.

Another thing I do is remind myself that this process is not just about weight loss. This process is about healing my body inside out and head to toe. I did not get to 402 pounds overnight. It was a lifetime of mistreating my body. I can't expect it to heal overnight. So I try to remember that and be kind to my body.

Once I put all of this in perspective I try to switch things up. Our bodies are smart and adjust to what we are doing. Our bodies freak out when we start losing weight. I mean, I've been overweight since I was 7 years old. Now I'm dropping fat and my body is like "whoaaaa, hang on there. What's going on??" I cut sweeteners completely for 2 weeks to see if that had an affect on me. Once I added them back I did so very slowly while checking my glucose and ketone levels to make sure my body didn't have a negative reaction. It was a wonderful learning experience, but it didn't result in any change on the scale. I went "intermittent carnivore" for a couple of days each week for 2 weeks. During these days I would have meat and fat only, no carbs at all (except for one day where I had a couple in some heavy cream). This is what finally allowed the scale to move. I'm not sure if it was the lack of dairy, the lack of carbs, or just the fact that I was switching it up with caloric totals from day to day. 

Speaking of calories, they are not as important as most of the world thinks. I'm not going to sit here and pretend to know everything, I definitely don't, but I do know that the main cause of weight gain - and lack of weight loss - is hormones. This is why Type 2 diabetics are overweight. Their insulin has been so high for so long, while going undetected because their glucose isn't high enough to register yet, it has caused their cells to store fat. (If you will remember from a previous post, one of insulin's jobs is to prevent fat from leaving cells.) People who are overweight and diabetic are overweight because of the high insulin, not the other way around. Think about medicines that cause us to gain weight! How many women have gained weight from birth control pills? Anti-depressants? Most definitely a side effect. Are these pills loaded with calories? No. What do they do in our body? They alter our hormones. The change in hormones is what causes the weight gain. You could lower your food intake and add in hours of exercise every day and it would not move the needle. Yes, it might short term, but not in the long-term. 

For people who are metabolically deranged - people who are severely overweight - the key to successful and sustainable weight loss is lowering your insulin level. Even if you aren't diabetic it is highly likely you have high insulin (which will lead to you having diabetes later on in life). I was never diagnosed as diabetic but diabetes is on both sides of my family and with the state of my health I have no doubt that's where I was headed had I not done something. Sometimes people who are severely metabolically deranged hit a wall in their weight loss. This wall is from their insulin evening out to a set level - called basal insulin. I'm beginning to wonder if this is where I am right now. My body has obviously lowered my insulin since I've lost 136 lbs so far. But if it's at a level it's comfortable at it could be a very long time before it budges again on its own. Experts recommend fasting for people who have reached this level. (Fasting is also used for many other things other than just weight loss. I highly recommend checking out the links I will post below. It is fascinating!) I want to state plainly that fasting is NOT about calorie restriction. It is NOT about starving yourself. Fasting is actually very healthy. Think back to our ancestors. They didn't have 3 square meals a day. They tended to feast and then fast. After reading Dr. Jason Fung's books and listening to the episodes of 2 Keto Dudes that I will link below I have decided to start tackling some extended fasting. I've done several 20-24 hour fasts. I have often done "OMAD" (one meal a day). Intermittent fasting helped me greatly when I plateaued last year. I think part of that was due to fasting and part of it was due to me changing things up. My body has now gotten used to that.  I did do one extended fast of 40 hours a couple of months ago. It was sort of by accident as I just wasn't hungry. I felt amazing while doing it! Before I started the unplanned fast I felt like I had a cold coming on. By the end of the 40 hour fast I had no symptoms of a cold. It was a time of year I always get a cold that lasts several weeks. The fact that I never fully got sick and felt so much better so fast led me to doing some research and there are studies that show fasting while sick can help your body heal faster. It can focus on healing and not processing all the food coming in. I definitely experienced that personally and it was pretty awesome!

In preparation for my first planned extended fast I feasted the last couple of days - meaning I ate quite a bit more than I normally would. This is supposed to help rev up my metabolism to get it used to burning that many calories so hopefully once my insulin level drops my body will start burning my stored body fat at the rate of the amount of calories I've eaten the last couple of days. I'm not sure how long this fast will last. I'd  love to at least go 36-48 hours. 3 days I would be thrilled with. Fasting is something I think you have to work up to and start slowly so I am going to listen to my body and go by how I feel. 

This feels like a good place to head into my measurements and weight for the past month. Don't forget to check out the links about fasting below to learn more!

As you can tell, even though I technically "gained' almost 8 lbs on April 5th (as I mentioned above), my measurements two days later were pretty darn good! I FINALLY got below a 60" hip measurement. I can't even explain how happy that makes me. I know 58 3/4" is still a huge measurement, but considering I started at 85" I will take it for now! I also lost a decent amount on my waist and bust/under bust. Of course I lost the most from my bust! LOL I can't wait to see how fasting plays out for me. 

I weighed this morning in preparation for the fast and weighed in at 272, so my body is still hanging onto that extra weight and in the same weight range I've been for pretty much the last 2+ months (270-275). 

2 Keto Dudes Episode 58 - Switching it Up with Megan Ramos

2 Keto Dudes Episode 61 - Metabolic Rate

The Obesity Code by Dr. Jason Fung
The Complete Guide to Fasting by Jimmy Moore and Dr. Jason Fung

Short Video from of Jacqueline Eberstein, RN, who worked closely with Dr. Robert Atkins for three decades. She has a lot of experience treating people with weight issues and talks about how hormones affect women and their weight. 

Fasting Talk is a podcast by Jimmy Moore, Dr. Jason Fung and Megan Ramos that I just started listening to this morning. I think it is going to be very helpful and can't wait to listen to more!

If you'd like to follow along on my fasting journey make sure you check out my social media links as I plan on talking about how I'm feeling, what I'm drinking and taking as far as supplements. I will have black coffee (because that's something I won't give up hahaha), water and electrolytes, as well as my daily vitamins. If I feel like I need it I will allow myself some broth and maybe a little bit of fat (like butter or coconut oil) since fat doesn't spike insulin levels like protein and carbs do. I'm really going to listen to my body and go by how I feel. 

My social media links:

Thanks for reading and happy keto-ing! <3 


Sunday, March 12, 2017

Keto Khronicles: March 2017 - All About the Heart

Hello and welcome to another edition of Keto Khronicles! As you probably already know, my grandfather passed away last week. What I haven't mentioned publicly yet is that he died of a heart attack - after having a heart attack just a few weeks ago. The next day Bob Harper of Biggest Loser fame had a heart attack. So, this is a topic that has been on my mind a lot the past few days and I wanted to talk about it. I'm not claiming to be an expert, but I have done a lot of research on this topic over the last year from people who are experts and are much more knowledgeable than me. I feel like I am eating the best way possible to avoid heart problems for someone who has a family history of heart disease on both sides. I feel like this information is so important and everyone needs to hear it.

The biggest downfall of keto is honestly telling other people about it. It's almost impossible to penetrate the preconceived notions. All of the conditioning we receive like since BIRTH really flies in the face of what I want to share with them. I LOVE sharing the science behind keto with those who want to learn and don't judge. It's something I am extremely passionate about, it is not just about weight loss. It's about healing your body completely. Keto is becoming my Windex. (If you don't get that reference then do yourself a favor and watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding.)  But I realize it is a lot to take in. It was a lot for me to take in. I didn't come to this decision overnight.

Things I hate hearing are "all that fat is going to clog your arteries" or "you look great but I can't imagine you're healthy" or "I hope that meal doesn't have too many calories!." Really?? Nobody said anything when I had 8 cans of Coke a day and lived on macaroni and cheese. And honestly, it's none of their business. But since I AM passionate about this way of eating I like to try to share what I have learned. As I said earlier, I'm not an expert, but I have spent nearly all of my free time the last few months researching. The more I learn, the more I want to learn! I will link several resources below to back up what I am saying, as well as expand on the subject.

So, why doesn't eating a lot of fat cause heart problems? The vast majority of heart problems are caused by atherosclerosis, which is calcification (hardening) of the arteries. What causes atherosclerosis? High insulin causes atherosclerosis - and high insulin is caused by a high carbohydrate diet. By eliminating (or drastically reducing) carb intake you lower your insulin. This is the basis of why keto works. Weight gain and loss isn't about calories, it's about hormones - with insulin being the main culprit. If you lower your carbs, you will, in time, lower your insulin. This will allow your body to start burning stored body fat and will also lower your chance for heart disease, as well as a lot of other things including reversing Type 2 Diabetes.

Have you ever stopped to think about how the low fat craze has only come about in the last 60-ish years? Before that nobody was eating low fat. Our ancestors lived on animals. They only had fruits and grains in the summer - when they would have needed to fatten up their bodies for winter. Coincidence? I think not. Is it a coincidence that heart disease is the fastest rising cause of death in the last century - when low fat foods and processed foods filled with sugar were becoming popular? Our ancestors didn't follow the food pyramid - they didn't even have grains to eat most of the year. I mean, just look at the chart below.


Look at the jump in heart disease! This can not be a coincidence. The more I learn, the more it seems like such common sense and the more it infuriates me that we have been brainwashed our whole lives. Cancer is talked about all the time, everyone hates cancer and wants to find a cure (trust me, I'm one of them!), but nobody seems to feel that way about heart disease. The doctor tells you your cholesterol is getting high so you should cut fat and exercise more. Yet we have been doing that for decades and it's not helping. Maybe it's time to look at it from a different perspective.

I mentioned Bob Harper in the beginning of my post and I want to talk about heart attacks in people, like him, who seem super healthy. The most common type of heart attack for these types of people is called the widowmaker (I will link resources below about this, it is information everyone needs to know). I don't know if this is the type of heart attack Bob had, but it is very important to talk about even if it wasn't.

I used to be an avid fan of The Biggest Loser. I watched it every week and wished I could be on there - and yes, I wanted Bob as my trainer. Looking back now I am so thankful for that unanswered prayer because I know now how unhealthy their weight loss was (and why most of them have gained it back). I am NOT claiming to know Bob's medical history or personal diet, but he did put his eating and fitness recommendations out there for everyone - including writing a book about it - so I think it's fair to use that type of diet as an example. I do not want it to appear like I am picking on him. I loved him and I think he truly wants to help people. He's just been brainwashed like the rest of the world and truly believes a lot of fat is bad and we need carbohydrates to survive. Bob is a vegan (or at least said he was on The Biggest Loser) and promoted low fat, high carbohydrate diets. You can even see a video here from just a couple of months ago where he is still promoting that. Low fat, high carb creates an environment of high insulin, which is what leads to atherosclerosis. Bob said himself that his heart attack was genetics because his mom had heart problems. Genetics does play a role in heart disease, but with the right food you can greatly decrease your chances of having problems. Knowing his stance on food it honestly did not surprise me when I heard he had a heart attack because I've learned what leads to heart attacks. Just hearing Ivor Cummings talk about The Markers of Disease on the 2 Keto Dudes podcast (episode linked below) was enough to blow my mind. That is actually what woke me up and made me start looking into heart disease in the first place.

I could go on, but I think it is better if I link some resources below so you can learn more for yourself. There are a lot more resources out there than this, but these will definitely give you a good start.

But first, let's get to my comparison pics and measurements for the month of February! With my grandfather passing away and some other things happening I didn't get a chance to get formal pics, but I think the one I have do the job. :)

Apparently I was a ghost on February 1st.

As you can see, after hitting 130 lbs lost on February 18th my weight went back up. I finally broke that plateau yesterday (which I posted about on social media). I knew I would and I knew I hadn't gained fat, so the number on the scale going up doesn't bother me a lot. This is why you can't rely on the scale to tell you the full story. SO many things affect weight - hormones, water, muscle, etc. As you can see I didn't lose a ton in inches, but I did lose 1/2"- 1" on many different areas. I'll take it! I'm experimenting with changing up some of my eating - I think this week I am going to completely cut out sweeteners (I don't use them a lot as is, but I want to see if cutting them completely changes things). I think it is important to change things up every once in a while. Even if that's changing up your exercise routine or when you eat. Sometimes stalls just happen but sometimes it's a sign that you need to change things up.


I HIGHLY recommend the following 3 episodes of 2 Keto Dudes (yes, I know I recommend them a lot, but there's a reason for that!) that all address cholesterol and heart disease:(You can also find all of their episodes on their YouTube Channel.)
Heart Disease
Markers of Disease with Ivor Cummins

The Widowmaker

Challenging Traditional Cardiovascular Risk Assessment by Dr. Jeffrey Gerber

Dr. Peter Attia's Blog

The Fat Emperor (Ivor Cummins) Blog

Multiple resources in the Show me the Science category of the Ketogenic Forums

LDL Cholesterol Explanation by Dr. Stephen Phinney
President of the World Heart Federation linking carbohydrates to heart disease

The Obesity Code by Dr. Jason Fung
The Big Fat Surprise by Nina Teicholz
Cholesterol Clarity by Jimmy Moore


Friday, March 3, 2017

Feelings Don't Have to Taste Like Regret

Hello, everyone. If you follow me on social media, you know it's been a very rough week. My grandfather passed away on Monday and I received some very devastating news about my other grandfather last Friday. When I got home Friday there was a big box of fried okra (one of my former favorite carby foods) sitting on the counter. The old me would have grabbed a Coke and okra and eaten her feelings. The me I am now didn't do either of those things. I wasn't tempted to eat "carbage" because I know what it will do to me. It will make me feel like crap, make me crave all sorts of bad-for-me things and potentially lead me down a path of destruction that I never want to visit again. I truly believe keto is largely to thank for this. Before going keto I was low carb (I will get into the difference between these in a future post) and still had all sorts of cravings. I didn't give into them often, but I did miss carby foods a lot. I really don't crave them anymore and, while they look good, I know the repercussions are not worth it. 

When my grandma passed in 2005, and then my aunt/second mom in 2008, I turned to food both times. Before my grandma passed I had managed to kick my Coke habit for about two years. When she passed I gave myself permission to drink it again because "I needed the comfort." You don't get over 250 lbs overweight without being an emotional eater. The way I was able to grieve and deal with stress and sadness this week while maintaining what I need to do to be healthy was a huge accomplishment for me.  I'm not going to put my health in jeopardy because I'm sad. All of my grandparents have been extremely supportive and proud of me. My grandfather who passed away often commented on and shared my blog posts. In fact, the last thing thing he shared on Facebook was my social media post about reaching 130 lbs lost. He wouldn't want me to go backwards, and I definitely will not be going backwards. This is honestly even bigger of an accomplishment than the 130 lbs I've lost because it proves to me I truly have changed and can continue on this path for life.


Friday, February 3, 2017

The Keto Khronicles: February 2017

Hello! I apologize for my sparse posts. I've been planning a post detailing how I have been losing weight for over a month. Life has been crazy lately and I haven't had much time to sit and concentrate long enough to write a full blog post. Add in the fact that once I started trying to tell others how I'm getting healthy,  I fell down the research rabbit hole. I know how I'm doing it and why it works, but explaining it to others is a different story. I am a perfectionist and once I started learning more, I wanted to try to learn as much as possible before I tried to relay that to other people. I decided to take a bit of a simpler approach and create a new series all about keto and my personal journey. I still like getting into the "mental side" of weight loss - I mean, that is why I named my blog "Who Ate My Psyche?" - but once you get in the right headspace, you need the tools to get you the rest of the way there!

So, here is the first edition Keto Khronicles. In each installment of The Keto Khronicles (which will be around the first of each month), I will update you on my weight, measurements and a comparison photo with the previous month's photo. I will also try to share something (or multiple things) I have learned on my own journey. That's exactly what this is - a lifelong journey and I hope I never stop growing and learning about it.

One reason I decided to start updating monthly is because it is hard to see changes from month to month. When I look at a picture of myself from before I lost weight vs now, it is pretty easy to see the changes. It gets harder to see the changes in recent months. I haven't taken my measurements often until this month, and I think that was a huge mistake on my part. One of my biggest regrets is not getting my proper starting measurements. I have an estimate of my measurements around my hip/belly button (the biggest part of me) and of what I was under my bust. I have never posted any of my measurements publicly because it is very embarrassing. But I'm at the point now where it doesn't really matter anymore. I'm not that person anymore. I put my starting weight and photos "out there," so I figured I might as well share my measurements. Measurements are actually a much better gauge of progress than pounds lost, especially on a ketogenic diet. (I use the word diet to describe a "way of eating," not as a short-term weight loss eating plan.) Weight can fluctuate a lot due to many different factors. The scale might show you have "gained" weight (which you will see for me in my January weigh-in chart below). It is highly unlikely that is fat gained, it's typically muscle or water retention. So, here are my starting measurement estimates (while they are estimates, I know they are very close to being accurate), along with my measurements about 6 months in, and currently.

Yeah, you read that right. At my heaviest, the biggest part of me was over 7 feet around. I still can't really wrap my head around that. I didn't feel that big. I mean, I guess I did in some ways. But, not really. I guess it was just what I was used to. Thankfully, I know I will never be there again. So far I have lost 25 inches, just around my hips! I think that's pretty awesome!

Now that I got that out of the way, let's move on to my measurements and photos for the month of January 2017. I wasn't planning on doing this until recently so my beginning of January pics were quick bathroom selfies I snapped to show my bestie. I hadn't even fixed my hair and wasn't really paying attention to how I looked. Definitely not my best pics ever. But that's what I have so you guys get to see them too. A year ago I would have said no way am I showing those and would have delayed a month. Now I will just say oh well! LOL!

So, why keto? And what is keto? I am going to keep this as short as possible because I feel like this post has already been lengthy. Please keep in mind that I am not a medical professional and I am still learning. I will post some links below where you can research and learn more about the ketogenic diet if you'd like.

A ketogenic diet is one that puts you into a state of nutritional ketosis. You restrict carbohydrates to less than 20 net carbs (which is total carbs minus any fiber in the food you're eating), eat a moderate amount of protein (enough to support your muscles) and the rest of your calories come from fat. The reason this works is because fat does not make us fat. Sugar and starch (all of which turns into glucose once consumed) are what makes us fat. When you eat a "standard" American diet you consume a lot of carbs. This means you are a "glucose burner." Glucose burners are constantly burning off the glucose in their system because you cannot have excess sugar in your blood. Since your body is busy burning off the glucose, it then stores the fat you have eaten for future use because fat can be stored safely. Glucose can't. Anytime you eat something with carbs it causes insulin production which, in time, turns into insulin resistance because your body has gotten so used to the constant stream of insulin it no longer responds to it properly. Insulin actually blocks fat from being burned - that's part of its job. So, as you can imagine, having a constant stream of insulin makes it impossible to burn fat.

By restricting carbohydrates you no longer supply your body with glucose. Your body will still make any glucose it needs on its own, but most of what was being done with glucose will now be done using ketones in the blood. Ketones are made in your liver by, guess what, fat! It turns out fat is actually a much better fuel source than glucose. Once you stop using glucose as fuel, you become a "fat burner" (also called fat adapted or keto adapted). Kind of makes sense when you consider our ancestors lived off meat and fat and rarely had sugar, right? They didn't need sugar - they were fat burners.

Starting a ketogenic lifestyle can be hard in the beginning. Most people will get "keto flu" (which I prefer calling carb withdrawal) when they start. This is minor and can be helped greatly by balancing out your electrolytes. You will most likely crave carbs the first few days. After that your cravings will go away. Trust me. I was a 402-pound Coca-Cola addict who loved macaroni and cheese and potato chips. My actual cravings for those things went away fairly quickly. I did have a lot of emotional attachment to them - mostly to Coke - that took longer to get past. But I DID get past it. If I can do it, you can.

I honestly can't imagine going back to how I used to eat. I absolutely LOVE the food I eat. I do not feel deprived. I look forward to food because it tastes good, just like I always have. But, I choose when I need to eat rather than the food controlling me with cravings. It really isn't just about losing weight, it's so much more than that. Once you are keto adapted you have so much more energy. For the first time in my life I actually want to do stuff and even workout. Your brain is much more efficient when running on ketones, therefor clarity and concentration are improved. You don't have constant cravings. For the first time in my life I feel like I am 100% in control. I just feel amazing.

Another plus of keto is if you suffer from chronic pain and/or inflammation (fibro, arthritis, etc.) it will likely be helped. Carbohydrates cause inflammation so when you remove those from the equation you will notice a lot less pain and swelling. I have not been diagnosed officially yet but am 99% sure I have rheumatoid arthritis. My pain and swelling in my hands has been so much better since cutting carbs. To prove my point, I splurged over my birthday in November. I enjoyed the food, but it honestly wasn't as good as I remembered. And for the next week I had pain and swelling like I hadn't felt in almost a year. I didn't need more proof that this was the way I was supposed to be eating, but if I had, that would have done it.

Ketogenic diets are nothing new and they aren't a "fad." The ketogenic diet has been used for decades for children with epilepsy to help control seizures. It is also currently being studied for cancer patients and Alzheimer's patients.

Some people argue that a state of ketosis is "unnatural" but you know what? Every single one of us is born in ketosis! Yep, babies are born in ketosis. Ketosis is a natural state of the body that almost everyone goes into at some point. A long night's sleep or a day of fasting can result in you getting into ketosis because there is no glucose going into the body. Pregnant women are especially prone to going into ketosis. Research has shown they go into ketosis faster than anyone else because their bodies need to supply the baby's brain with ketones for proper production.

I could honestly talk about this for hours, but I think I have probably given you enough information for now. Many people try to complicate things too much when they start keto. Keep it simple to start with - lowering your carbs is the most important part. Keep your carbs below 20, eat a moderate amount of protein and eat fat until you're satiated. Eat when you are hungry and listen to your body. Do not worry about calories. It really is that simple. Some people do have to tweak things down the road, a lot of that depends on how insulin resistant you are and how much fat you have to lose. But in the beginning those are the most important things.

If you would like to learn more about the ketogenic lifestyle I highly recommend looking into the resources below. I am not affiliated with any of the links below and am not receiving compensation for recommending them. I believe most people (myself included) start out doing low carb without knowing the science behind it. This often leads to them giving up because they don't think it works for them or they don't focus on all the other changes happening with their body. It's not an overnight magic pill, but it will work if you give it time and focus on getting healthy and not just losing weight.

Online Resources:

2 Keto Dudes - they have a Podcast (which is how I typically listen), but all of their episodes are also listed on their website (linked below)  and YouTube. They are very informative and get into the science behind keto, but are also entertaining while they do it!
Episode Archives
YouTube Channel

Ketogenic Forum - a forum created by Carl and Richard from 2 Keto Dudes. It is a vast community with a multitude of information.

Diet Doctor - one of the largest and most informative low carb sites. It is written by
Andreas Eenfeldt, a Swedish medical doctor and specialist in family medicine, with many contributions from other doctors as well. - another great site with lots of information and "how-tos."

Doc Muscles - he has a great blog with a ton of information. He also has a series called The Principle Based Ketogenic Lifestyle. I have linked Part 1 of that series.

Dr. Jason Fung - I have linked his YouTube channel, but he has written a book called The Obesity Code that is highly recommended as well.

Book Recommendations:

The Art and Science of Low Carbohydrate Living by Dr. Stephen D. Phinney  and Dr. Jeff Volek

The Obesity Code by Dr. Jason Fung

The Big Fat Surprise by Nina Teicholz

Cholesterol Clarity by Jimmy Moore

I hope this post wasn't too long for you! I look forward to my next post. In the meantime, follow me on Facebook and Instagram where I post meals, progress pics and more.


Wednesday, December 7, 2016

The Season of Struggle

Trying to squeeze all the way the heck out of 2016 like pushing out a 2016 pound baby. Seriously, the deaths, the fighting - both national and international - you'd think my holiday struggles and weight loss struggles would pale in comparison. But as carrying around your own personal bag of rocks goes, they feel pretty heavy to me.

One year into my weight loss journey. 

The holiday season is a wonderful time of year, but it can also be extremely hard on people in many different ways... like weight loss, for instance. How in the world are you supposed to stay focused and lose weight with people baking cookies and cakes and pies the whole month? Stores stocking aisle after aisle of candy. Break rooms at work filled with sweet treats from well-intentioned co-workers and clients. One of my personal favorite treats for this time of year is pumpkin bagels. I used to stalk all of the stores in my area starting at the end of August until I found them. They're so good! I've loved pumpkin since before it was cool, so when it started becoming popular and everything had a pumpkin version, I was in heaven. Until this year. I knew I had to stay focused. I knew myself well enough to know if I strayed it would only harm me. I didn't want to stray. I have come so far and nothing is worth undoing that. So I tried to avoid that area of the store as much as possible. But that's not always easy, especially since all the junk food is always prominently displayed - especially the fall and holiday items. There comes a time in your journey (multiple times, actually) for better health that you have to make a decision. You have to decide what's more important - you and your goals or having a bagel. Now, I'm not saying I will never have another pumpkin bagel again. I have not (and will not) have any this year because I feel I am at a crucial point in my journey and my goals are more important to me than that bagel. They aren't going to help me get where I want to be. So when I would see them in the store I would think of them as a deterrent. No, seriously. In my head, they became little demonic animations trying to lure me, 'hey Bud, c'mere' like you picture when a drug dealer is trying to lure a little kid. Whatever you have to do, right? And don't let the little voices say "but they're only here once a year." They'll be back next year. Count on it. That's when I'll decide whether I want one. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I think most of the pumpkin stuff is going away so now it's time to avoid holiday treats. I'm looking at you, Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes. I did make some low carb pumpkin muffins that were pretty tasty! The recipe needs a little tweaking, but in time I think it could be great. If you find healthier alternatives to your holiday favorites it helps so much because you don't feel deprived. Getting healthy shouldn't be about feeling deprived. I think so often people don't want to start the weight loss journey because they focus on everything they have to give up. Instead, you need to focus on what you are gaining. Trust me, it is so much better than what you're leaving behind. 

So, why was I so strict on myself? For a few reasons. One was because after I lost 100 lbs, I plateaud. I didn't just plateau for a little while. I plateaud for 2 months. Two months of "doing everything right," switching things up based on numerous articles I read and from listening to people more knowledgeable than I am. Sometimes your body just doesn't cooperate. And, in my research, I learned that often times after you lose a lot of weight your body goes into shock and it is normal to plateau. It doesn't make it any less frustrating, but it IS understandable. I mean, I've spent my whole life with loads of extra fat on my body so it makes sense that my body is going to freak out on my journey to lose it. During this time I have also been battling some injuries and haven't been able to workout as much so I figured I shouldn't throw anything else 
in the mix that could slow down my weight loss. Honestly, I wasn't that tempted by the treats because they weren't better than the change in me this past year. Yes, they looked good when I walked by them. I know they taste good. But I'm focused on my goal and want to do whatever I need to do to get there. The photo below is one of my favorite sayings because it describes how I feel perfectly. 

I had a lot of people ask me how I stay focused when I hit a plateau. A couple of things keep me focused. You have to decide this change is a lifestyle change. This is not a diet. If you diet, that means eventually going back to your old habits, which will put you right back where you started. So to me motivation wasn't really a problem when I plateuad, because I knew this is my life now. I did have a hard time while on the plateau because I still have so far to go and it was so frustrating to see my weight going nowhere (or going up, which was even worse). I am not a patient person so I have a tendency to want all of this weight gone NOW. But I have to take a step back and realize that I didn't gain it all in a day (even though it feels like I did), and I won't lose it all in a day either. You can see below that my journey has had its peaks and valleys, like all. But it is on a downward trend overall and THAT is what's important. 

However, even when your weight is plateauing, you are likely still making progress in other ways. This is where non-scale victories become so important - and often are more satisfying than what the number on the scale says. One thing I encourage everyone to do before changing their life is to take measurements. I did not do this, and I really regret it. I have a rough estimate of what my waist measured before I started, but that's all. If you take measurements you can see just how much your body is changing so much better than the scale. Something else I did while plateauing was trying on clothes that used to be too small for me. I knew if clothes were fitting that didn't fit a few weeks ago, obviously my body is still changing whether the scale says it is or not! One of the very best feelings I had during my plateau was when I went shopping for something to wear on my birthday. Before I started losing weight I was a size 30/32 in some brands, but places like Lane Bryant - who only carries sizes up to a 28 - and Torrid I would have needed a 34/36, which didn't exist. (Torrid does now carry this size online, but it's very recent.) So when I went shopping for my birthday I expected to be in a size 26/28 now. I gathered up several things in that size in Torrid and went to the fitting room - and every single one was too big! I was so ecstatic! I went and got things in a 22/24 and nearly fell over when they actually fit me. I haven't been a size 22/24 since I was probably 16 years old. The picture below is a dress I loved and could actually zip up in that size. The shrug I'm wearing is a bit big - it was a 26. I ended up buying the shrug - one size smaller. I'm also showing a shirt I tried on that day because I was just so excited to be in that size! I do apologize for these being horrible quality phone pics.

Today is a special day for me because today marks one year since I decided to change my life. One year ago today I was 402 pounds and miserable. As many times as I have attempted to lose weight before - and have even been successful on occasion - I've never stuck with it this long. I'm not exactly sure what happened. What made this time different than the other millions of times I've attempted to lose? I wish I knew because I get asked that all the time. If I knew I would shout if from the rooftops. I would love to give that "magic potion" to several of my loved ones because I see how beaten down they are and I know exactly how they feel because I was there just a year ago. Maybe it was the fact that I am in my 30s and realizing I'm not getting any younger. I already wasted my teens and 20s hating my body and feeling unworthy of happiness and hurting like a 90-year old. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life feeling that way. Or maybe it was the fact that I realized I had wasted all this time and even though the amount of weight I had to lose seemed overwhelming, the time is going to pass anyway. It doesn't matter if it takes me 5 years to get to my goal weight. At least at the end of that 5 years I will have accomplished my goal. If you don't start then 5 years down the road you are still going to be unhealthy and miserable.

Left: July 2015 (7 months before I started losing weight); Right: December 7, 2016

I can tell you that every single person has it in them to do this. I am no better than anyone else out there. I'm not doing anything spectacular or spending a ridiculous amount of money. I just decided I had enough and got started. I am not perfect and I didn't know nearly as much when I started as I do now. I took baby steps doing things I did know I needed to do and learned as I went. And here I am one year later, 117.8 pounds lighter and feeling so much better. I still have a long way to go. I weigh 284.2 pounds so I am still heavier than a lot of people's starting weight - but I have come so far that that doesn't even bother me anymore! I am excited about the future because I can only imagine if I feel this much better now, how much better I will feel after losing another 140ish lbs. I have a rough goal weight in my head, but will decide on that when I get closer and see where I feel best. The number isn't important to me, how I feel is.

Seasons change as life changes. As I watch the Earth shedding its leaves and readying itself for winter
and for the renewal Spring will bring, the parallel strikes me. It's the shedding, resting, strengthening and renewal my body is going through. It's in winter right now, the hardest part, but without it, there is no stronger, more beautiful tree in the stronger, more beautiful me. It's a process. As I theoretically stand here before you, I feel as if I am standing naked in a room full of people. Standing here bare, letting everyone see what I would have been mortified to share just a year ago. I also sometimes feel bare like the trees because I am running out of clothes! But that is one of the fun parts of this adventure. 

And for all those who've been asking, stay tuned for my next post with all the details of what I'm eating, what I do for workouts, how often I schedule "splurges" etc. If you follow me on social media you already know a lot of this because I try to share pics as I go throughout my day! If you want to follow along where I am more active daily, check me out at the links below. (They are always on my right side bar as well.)